What a good topic given the approaching holiday season, a time when it is customary to take part in the yearly holiday ritual of gift-giving (and receiving). Isn’t it interesting that the emphasis always seems to be on gift-giving? Have you ever heard the phrase, “It is better to give than to receive.” Every wonder why?

Giving and receiving is a description of an energy exchange, a balance of energetic flow. It is much like breathing, the exhale and inhale, both quite crucial to sustaining life. The same applies to giving and receiving, although we are a bit more egoic on this topic. That is, we are much more likely to project about our sense of self when giving or receiving (money, gifts, compliments, assistance, etc.). Most people would agree that they deserve to inhale. However how deserving do you feel about receiving? How do you feel when someone gives you a compliment? What do you do or say in return? How do you feel when someone gives you a gift? Do you feel obligated to give them one in return? How do you feel about receiving money? If you think this is a no-brainer, then why aren’t you fabulously wealthy? And lastly, how likely are you to ask for assistance of any kind? Who are you most and least comfortable asking, if at all?

Most of us have some if not a great deal of difficulty and resistance in the realm of receiving. I believe that this is largely related to our sense of deservedness, or rather lack thereof. Most all of us have experienced various episodes of shaming in our lives. Some we can recall, most we cannot. These experiences were initially perpetrated by those whose love and approval we wanted when we were children. This taught us to then shame ourselves. It is less important to recall or understand the specifics of these past chapters than it is to release them and live in the now. While this may be “easier said than done”, it is still clearly possible and imperative if we wish to experience heaven rather than hell in our lives.

Now let us take a purely logical look at giving and receiving. If we believe that it is better to give than to receive, and we constantly elect the supposed moral high road, we would be continually giving. This flies in the face of logic as we cannot give from an empty cup, but only from one that “runneth over”. Those who cannot receive and who continually give of their energy are at risk of developing serious signs of depletion on various levels. These may include depression, suppressed immune function, and chronic fatigue to name only a few.

As with all else, balance is the key. It is as important to receive as it is to give, as crucial to inhale as to exhale. I often remind my receiving-resistant coaching clients of this fact in the following way. I remind them that by refusing to receive from others they deprive these individuals of the joy one feels in giving to others. This is actually quite rude and controlling behavior and obstructs the flow of intimacy in the relationship.

So at this holiday season, as in every season, be sure your cup is full and enjoy the flow of sharing with others, both the exhale and the inhale!