There are two primary perspectives with which to address this popular topic. One focuses on interaction and communication patterns and teaches useful skills like “active listening” and “non-violent communication” among others. This is the overwhelmingly prevalent perspective; its emphasis is on the “outer”, the “doing” of relationships. While extremely helpful and useful, this perspective more accurately addresses the management of healthy relationships.

There is only one way to truly create healthy relationships, and that is an “inner” journey. It requires a prerequisite healthy relationship with self. In fact all relationships are truly mirrors of our “inner” relationship with self. And from this point of origin we energetically attract relationships with others.

While I have put forth this idea rather plainly and simply, it is not quite so easy to do! The reason is that our fears get in the way of our capacity to be in a state of love. A short grammatical digression is in order. While William Webster insists that the word “love” is also a verb, I beg to differ. Love is a state of being. You don’t do love, you are love. When you are in the fullness of your allowing who you really are (love, that is), you attract love….relationships are joyous and life is Heaven on Earth. When you are in resistance to who you really are, you experience fear and you attract fearful others….relationships are dramaramas and life sure doesn’t feel Heavenly!

In The Divine Matrix, author Gregg Braden reveals three Universal Fears and explores the Five Mirrors of Relationship. (This book is an excellent and understandable primer on quantum science and spirituality. I highly recommend it.) He describes the three Universal Fears as fear of separation/abandonment, fear of not being enough (low self-worth), and fear of trusting and surrendering. Even a moment’s reflection on each quickly reveals how sabotaging any or all of these fears can be to relationships. Even more fascinating is the fact that all relationships are projections and thus are truly mirrors. Any unresolved issues within us are immediately projected into our perceptions of our relationships with others. Thus our only hope for “creating healthy relationships” is to have one with ourselves. This would ultimately require that: 1.) we remember who we really are, eliminating the delusion of ever being separate or abandoned; 2.) know that we are Divine and always more than “enough”; 3.) realize that trusting ourselves dissolves the issue of lacking trust in others. (If you don’t give yourself away, you never need to worry about trusting anyone.)

I will conclude with two other good relationship reads for those wintry nights in front of the fireplace — Undefended Love by Psaris & Lyons, and The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. Remember those song lyrics by Steven Stills, “Love the one you’re with”? This is actually excellent Law of Attraction advice! And I remind you to love the one you’re always with – You!